Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
