Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
