I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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