So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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