Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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