I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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