I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
