Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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