I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
