I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
