omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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