I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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