well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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