My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
