I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
