Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
