I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
