Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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