I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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