he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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