did you get engaged???
You just made me feel so damn special
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
