if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
