You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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