just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
