this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
