So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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