I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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