Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize