i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
