My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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