New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
