I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
