Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
how do you play pong handcuffed?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
