Only a mothe r could love this liver
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
