U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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