Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
