I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
