i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
