Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
