my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
