playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize