and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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