i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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