I think my fart just growled at me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
