I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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