if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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