If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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