my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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