He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
