I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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