your parents love me but you hate me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
