need another drink. this is the easiest way
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
