sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
