before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
