when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
