we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
