drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
