There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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