The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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