I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Let the clothes fall where they may.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
