is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
