its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
whose parrot is this?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
