I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
