I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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