moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
