I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
