No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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