I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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