I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize