OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
